dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
