we have pet lesbian snakes
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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