fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
