Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
