4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
