Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.