Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
