you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
