whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
