You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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