I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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