Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
