The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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