Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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