There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
