At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
