yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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