Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
