I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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