All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
