Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize