it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
