just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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