My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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