Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just googled if crying burns calories
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
