I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
