just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
