$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
