Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
