did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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