just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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