I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
