Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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