every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
