remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
