All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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