last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT