I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?