She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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