so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.