Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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