Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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