Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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