thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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