I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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