its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
