I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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