Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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