If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
