Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
