In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
