margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
