How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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