Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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