its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
