Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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