found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
