I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
