yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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