the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
