you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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