just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
