Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
