I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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